Minti - Recent Comments on Question "Step Parent Disciplining"

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

Lola75 — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:33:29 -0700

She is 12.. This women is 26,27 I think.... Ther is nothing I can say... She is the decision maker in the home.. He wouldn't listen when I told him that back to school night should just be he and I.. We have NEVER had a civil relationship.. He is too hard nosed and swtubbern to listen to reason.. He started pestering her about college when she was 10... he told her she HAD TO GO.. No questions asked.. I never went.. and now I have the job I have always wanted.... No one can get thru to these people Dad & family)

......UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

Jessgore — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:19:54 -0700

I would then say in this case the answer would be no.. If there was a real need for telling her what she can and can't do, or should do then sure.. But from what you describe sounds like the woman is competing with your daughter... What better way then to make it look like she is always doing wrong..

Sorry to say but you may need to talk to your ex about this.. How old is your daughter???

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

Lola75 — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:08:35 -0700

Thank you for your email : )

My daughters step mother is very..... selfish in a way young , gets what she wants, would rather my daughter not be with them, she wants to be in the spot light.. My daughter is in no way pain or difficult to deal with.. But this women belittles her and hurts her feelings.. almost any chance she gets, She talks about me in front her, she argues with my daughtes father in front of her,

This women is the disciplinarian and there is nothing i can say.. Her father is i guess lazy and doesn't want to be bothered of this women just wears the pants in the family...

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

Jessgore — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 12:59:10 -0700

As a step mum myself I say yes it is ok depending on the situation... Once my step daughter said to me.....
"But my mum lets me do it." I can't remember exactly what it was but I think it had something to do with watching a telly show that myself and the hubby thought was to old for her... Anyway her dad had to go out for the night and I was the only one there. I said " I understand that your mother lets you watch it and that is fine because you are at her house, but when you are living with us we would rather that you don't watch it.. "
She actually looked at me and said "OK." I believe it was because of the way I said it...

As long as step mums don't cross the try to be mum line I think it is ok, but it helps that I have the backing of the husband and knowing full well that if he disagreed with me at any point he will tell me so. I have always been honest with my step daughter and she knows we run this house a lot different to the way her mum runs their place... My step daughter also knows that this is as much her house as it is ours... So while here she lives by our rules. I am grateful though that when I say something she will listen and will not question it, well like a normal 11 year old anyway... But as her fathers word is final on things so is mine.

As I don't know exactly what it is that your ex's wife is doing, I can't say whether or not I agree completely... But if she has the backing of your husband and is not doing out of spite then I would think it was ok... On the other hand if she is just being nasty about it then I would say something...

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

kharma99 — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:44:02 -0700

Im in the exact same situation as you- my ex has remarried- younger (25yo) & he's 44! She dictates the relationship also.

I had been taken to court several weeks ago now only to find myself almost in a shared care situation.

My advice- get a lawyer, make an application to the courts & get a family report done! An application to the courts will be submitted (costs around $800 + lawyer $1000) & you will both need to go to court & have the magistrate arrange a family report done. It will MAKE all of you be on tender hooks & this will go for about 6-12 months long- dont worry as the issues will come out! Also, get your daughter to file a report at the police station- if this is done, then the courts & family mediation will need to take action against this. Your daughter being 12yo is at your advantage. Pls remember thou- it needs to actually be your daughter that needs to make the application to the police and not yourself!

Good luck- hope this helps

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

kharma99 — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:43:46 -0700

Im in the exact same situation as you- my ex has remarried- younger (25yo) & he's 44! She dictates the relationship also.

I had been taken to court several weeks ago now only to find myself almost in a shared care situation.

Good luck- hope this helps

Re: Step Parent Disciplining

LisaPetrarca — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 22:32:32 -0700

I have been a step-parent for seven years. I chose to have my husband discipline his children because as a step parent, you are already at a disadvantage. The children feel that you do not love them as much as your own. Over the years, the children have grown close to me because I was not the MEAN step mom. I can now discipline them the same as I do my own children and they know that it is done out of love. A bond needs to be established before you can discipline. My husband was always very supportive in making sure that his kids never disrespected me also. I wrote an article regarding step-parenting, check it out on my homepage advice written.

This is a very hard situation, especially if the step mother is being very demeaning to your child. You might want to talk to your ex and let him know that things would be better for your child if he was the disciplinarian. The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, well adjusted kids. I hope you can reason with your ex husband, for your child's sake.