Your not hitting him and your right you shouldn't.  But he is not getting what he wants and no body should ever get what they want because they hit, your being consistent with the ramifications, he is not getting hurt and no one else is getting hurt.  Hopefully overtime he will realise that hitting gets him put in  a boring place and that is all hitting does.

Also last bit of advice never ever ever not do it i.e if out put him in his pram strap him in then turn it towards a wall.  or put him in the car seat.  But make sure he understands hitting gets him ignored. 

It might work I just found that ignoring naughty students worked better then trying all this find out what the matter is.  Children want to be part of the action.

Oh and last big bit of warning when you first do this he will start blue murder.  be prepared the first time do not go near the room until he is quite.   This maybe longer then ten minutes and do not yell at him, tell him to be quite, try and comfort him. 

Time out can be used from any age really. I had my son sitting in the corner at 10 months. He got the gist pretty fast and I can say by a week he knew that when I said "if you do ______ again you will go in the corner" i meant it and the behavior was often stopped before he even had to go in the corner. Even now it works. There is a corner everywhere you go. The shops, bus, in the street i can find one and on more than one occasion I have used it. People may stop and stare but I am the one having to deal with it at home and you can't threaten punishment at a later date (when you get home you are going in the corner), especially at that age. 1 minute per age and if they cry and scream and kick start the time from when you have silence. If they get up and walk away start over again. The first couple of times they might be a little hysterical but they need to learn that time out is a place to reflect on the bad behavior. When his time is up get him to come to you and say sorry after you have explained to him again why he was there. "You had to sit in the corner because you hit mummy in the face and hitting is not nice. It hurt mummy a lot. Please say sorry" and make sure he does. He needs to realize that it makes you sad and it is not acceptable.

As for the smacking him back you are right not to do so. You can't smack a child for misbehaving and not expect them to hit you when they are angry with you. I know a lot of parents that smack their children, and it is their choice, but they are the ones who have the violent children. It really sends a mixed message of "if you can hit me I can hit you".

I do not agree with putting a child in their place of rest for punishment. A bed or cot is supposed to be a fun, happy and relaxed place and if you use it as a form of 'time out' then bed time is seen as a punishment. This also goes for prams/strollers/buggies. If you put your child in one to restrain for punishment then you will have all sorts of issues getting them to sit there when you want to go out.

Sleeping alone after having constant parental comfort is hard. I co slept with my son for 12 months then had to stay in his room with him till he was 15 months and I had just had enough. It is exhausting and while it is nice when they are babies, they tend to play on it when they are older by making the time to fall asleep so much longer. I let him cry it out. He was also in a bed at this stage and would get out of his bed and I would take him by the hand, walk him to his bed, lay him back down and leave without saying a word. The first night I think he got up and came out about 30 times but gradually over the week it became less frequent and by the end of the 6th day he was sleeping in his bed without getting up alone. It was very trying the first few days as I thought it would never work but I was persistant and after a while they realize that it wont work and they stop doing it. You going back in and laying down with him that last time until he falls asleep is just encouraging and reinforcing what he is doing therefor he will not sleep by himself because at the end of the night he gets what he wants.

I am by no means an expert and I know all children are different but I hope this helps you as it did me.

That additive is present in the bread we eat (he gets about three slices a day--a sandwich lunch and toast snack).  I'll be switching breads, and we'll see what happens.

Scary.

if your child is high-need, I started a group Raising High Need Kids

I wasn't implying you're a bad mommy! We've all done some bad things as mom but I wouldn't call us "bad moms".

See, we've been working on getting him to lay down for bed by himself.  Normally, he needs me to lay next to him until he falls asleep, and flat-out refuses to go to sleep on his own.  I asked for some advice about this not too long ago, and my friend gave me what I think is a good idea.  

For several days, now, I've been laying next to him when I first put him down, then leaving the room.  He lays and cries a bit, then gets up to get me.  I lay with him again till he looks sleepy, then get up and leave again.   Sort of a ferberize-esque thing, getting him used to the idea of laying there by himself, with the knowledge that I will come back.  

Gradually, the time's been getting longer before he gets up.  We're up to about 10 minutes, at which point I just lay with him until he goes to sleep.  He won't fall asleep by himself, but getting used to being in the room alone is, I think, the first step.  It might not be the right way to do it, but it seems to be working.  Because even though he's crying, he's still staying in bed for a bit before coming for me.  I'm hoping he'll figure out it's okay to stay in bed by himself, because mommy will still come when he needs me to.

Ultimately, I let him cry for 10 minutes because of the sleep-thing, but you're right, I probably should've just gone in after a minute, because if the hitting-thing, which is probably why it took me so long to calm him down.  I assumed he would get up and come get me, like he normally does.  Probably not a great decision on my part.

I know the one-minute one-year rule.  I'm not the best mommy in the world (really, who is?) but I'm not THAT bad of a mommy.  I'm dealing with hitting and sleep issues at the same time, and apparently not coordinating them very well.

Good luck and hope you can make changes soon!

The Bread Preservative (282)

Bread Preservative Research

With time-outs, it's usually 1 min for each year.. so with your child, it'll be just 1 minute in time out, as their attention span is very short. So when you walk away because he hit you, 1 min is plenty of time. And when you come back, redirect his attention to something else.

You're right about the reaction though.

No rarely works for me, though.  He just laughs.

I certainly won't react any more!  I'll have to designate a place to confine him--I think if I put him in his room, he'd just play with his toys, as he frequently goes in there and shuts the door all on his own anyway.

When you give him time-out for hitting you at the store, do you just tell him that he'll have time out when you get home, then?  I'm not sure my son would remember what he did wrong if he wasn't punished until an hour later or something.

When I acted like I was still asleep and didn't react at all, he settled in and went to sleep.  Of course, those are the "hitting to get a reaction" hits, not the "hey, do what I say!" hits.

But, since i have trouble getting him to go to sleep on his own (I have to lay with him until he drifts off) I hesitate to use his bed as a place of punishment.  Eventually I'd like him to do this on his own, and I worry that if I use bed as punishment, he'll not want to be in it any more. 

It seems like an awfully mixed message to send.

Reacting means he got the attention he wanted, so removing him from the situation is the best.  If he is hitting with toys, take them away from him.  Don't pretend to cry, kids love that, it means they won.  A simple firm no will do at the same time as moving his hands/ head out of the way.

Why can't you smack him? I don't mean belting him too hard or anything. Just a smack on the hand with a stern "no" when he hits or throws something. When nothing else works, this might. Just firm enough for him to know you mean business and that he mustn't do it.

If your baby approaches you to hit you, then pick him up and put him in the livingroom (or wherever just to put some distance from you) and say the same thing.

When you can, ignore the tantrums - go on and keep cooking and don't talk to him and don't look at him while he is having his tantrum.  When you consistently do this, he'll figure out that he really can't get what he wants just by throwing a tantrum and hitting.

Your son is old enough to understand what time out is and seriously, it works! I am not saying it is going to be easy, but if you persevere and be consistent you will see the improvements. When my son hits I will say that is not nice use gentle touches and ask him to show me the sign for gentle (we did some baby sign language) and he does. If he hits again he goes in time out for two minutes, I have even had to put him in time out for hitting me in stores and at playgroup.. and he knows what he has done and will say sorry (or when he was younger gave me a kiss and a hug to say sorry) The consistency has paid off, it is soooo much better, although I am not going to say it has gone away completely... he still tries to push his boundaries every now and again. He would hit me several times a day and it felt like he lived in time out  but now he may hit out every couple of weeks, sometimes he will hit me without thinking, realise what he has done and before I can say anything he will say no, no and hug me!  

I have waffled, but your son is old enough for time out and it has worked wonders for us.. it feels at times like it will never get better, but it will.  Also make sure you use positive reinforcement when he uses 'gentle touches'. I am still working on my son's throwing, he has great accuracy and alarming strength for hisage, but will throw things at you (like a hard ball or toy) when you are not expecting it, again we use time out and he is getting better.

Good luck!

Lorna

Your totally right if you was to smack him back that would only show him that this is ok . My daughter is 22 months she is currently going through a stage of smacking the cats and her sister . This isnt acceptable therefore i have been punnishing her with timeout in her cot. You can only give time out for a minute as he is only 1 but if u do this everytime he smacks or hurts yourself or your dog he will begin to realise doing this will just end him in timeout .

Good luck i hope you can battle it soon before someone gets hurt.

Emz x