Minti - Recent Comments on Question "how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??"

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

teenagersscarethebeepoutofme — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:35:02 -0800

thanks , y'all gave me a lot to think about. I know it's going to be really hard to let her go, but i know that my kids cannot stay home forever. she as decided to stick around untill the end of feb when they decide on who gets the apprenticeship. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

thanks again for you thoughts.

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

samantha — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:41:46 -0800

I was also stubborn and VERY independant when I was young, but I did really well for myself. There really isn't anything you can do to stop her, as some girls just know what they want and are very resorceful. You are lucky that you have an up and go daughter rather than a lazy one, so though it's hard now you will be happy later. I wouldn't be getting angry with her and telling her she can't come back, but I would be trying instead to help her find something local so you's can still touch base often. You are not going to be able to stop her, my parents tryed but it didn't work. From a very young age I was busy! LOL had to get everything done myself and work and pay my way, never once went on the doll.

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

EmmaKay — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:26:57 -0800

I would firstly talk to the father about how your 16 year old is wanting to work and earn her own way and be responsible and talk about how proud you two should be because at 16 she could be wanting to do a lot worse things. Just talk to him alone about it, and I mean a real conversation, nothing quick. Agree with him, that the two of you will relay how proud you guys are of her, and how you love her which is why you're having such difficulty with the idea of her moving away. Gently remind her that you guys are the parents, and she is still a child, so she has no choice but to work out these plans with you guys. And then you guys need to give some. You can remind her a few times how she may regret not finishing school in years to come, and from the sounds of it, she seems like the kind of person to think about the future, so she might understand how big a thing that is.

I think, if you and her dad can remember to focus on the good points, and come to peace with the reality, that even if you fight all hell and she gives in and stays another year, you'll have to deal with it all over again in another year anyway. She isn't that far off adulthood.

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

Patcohsam — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:51:03 -0800

Hi,

I am 27 and I believe everyone should finish school. My husband entered the Airforce and wanted to become an officer, but just the fact that he only did year 11, stopped him from achieving that goal... Doing year 12 will give her more alternatives for her future, whether she wants to expand her knowledge and career goals.

Regarding her leaving home, maybe you sould encourage her and make her see that you can be her friend. Sometimes we want to be "independent" and we won't learn how good we have it with our parents until we know how difficult it is to get ahead in life on our own terms. Be with her and tell her that it will be good if that is what she really wants to do & maybe by doing that she won't be moving too far away from you... It doesn't matter if she doesn't live with you... What matters is that you and her keep a wonderful and close relationship as mother & daughter and as friends. I come from a country which is a bit costly and difficult to travel to from Australia, so it means that I can not see my family as frequently as I would like to.... It was a big decision from my parents to let me come here, I lost a sister from leukemia when I was 10 and she was 6... So I was/am everything to my parents, but they saw that it was time for me to fly and get my own wings and be happy! I have been here for 7 years & I speak to my parents every 2nd or 3rd day. The point here is not to stop your daughter, but help her grow up as the woman (as opposed to little girl) that you want her to be - with a wonderful family that supports her and loves her. Hope this helps you a little bit :-) All the best, Pat

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

chrisharry — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:15:38 -0800

hang in there , seems like yesterday my daughter& i went through the same thing.She got hooked up with an older female relative who to put it politely was the dodgiest mole in town . Twice her age , never worked , into drugs and a whole load of crap. Anyway my daughter was impressed with the life and after a big fight left home. It was the most scary time of my life cause briefly my girl hated my guts and wouldnt talk to me at all, however i had to stick to my boundries cause i"m mum and thats it not to say without the trying of comprimise. However she had to find out for herselve and thankfully come out the otherside wiser.The relationship we had formed over the years brought her back and we now have an even stronger relationship. So as hard as it is sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and let them go and hope the ground work has been done Sounds like she is striving for independce

Re: how can i stop my 16yr old from leaving home??

demonikangels — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:37:26 -0800

I think its just that she wants to be independant, I would be considering the fact that she wants to move in with your sister to be better than if your 16 year old came home and told you she was moving in with her boyfriend or something.

Personally if she is doing this to start a career and has it planned, I would support her decision, and let her feel supported. Dont try the "you cant come back" thing like her dad tried, that does nothing but push children further away.
You have to let her know if she makes this choice, it is for work, and that if it doesnt work out she can come home to her family.